The no-cry sleep solution.

I've had it. For the last three months, I've been living off of about four, non-consecutive hours of sleep every day. My life consists of rocking and nursing Maddie to sleep for two hours each nap or night waking, just so she can sleep for 45 minutes. I'm beyond exhausted. My Fibromyalgia has flared up so much that I'm in constant pain, all day.. It doesn't matter if she's in bed with me, in her rock n play, or in her crib.. She will not sleep. I was able to handle one or two, maybe even three short night feedings, but now, we're waking up five, six, seven times a night, with a four in the morning, two hour play session in there as well. I absolutely will not do any form of crying it out at this point. Not only do I dislike the idea of it, but I'm fairly sure it will not work on Maddie. I'm confident that she would cry all night if I let her.. I'm not even going to try it. So, Danny picked up "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I'm about halfway through the book, and so far, I'm feeling like we've tried almost everything she suggests short of making logs of her sleeping (although I'm not quite sure how that helps.. Maybe I haven't gotten that far into the book yet.. I'm not sure). But, we're going to try it. It may take months to see results, but I'd take months over potential years of night wakings. I just don't know how we got here. For three solid months, she slept from 8pm-8am.. Not a peep. Suddenly, out of the blue, she began waking more and more frequently, and then stopped sleeping through the night (for my non-mommy friends, this means one good, solid 5-6 hour stretch, which is the technical definition of sleeping through the night..), and now, she's just not sleeping much all together. I can't ignore my health anymore. I already suffer from a chronic sleep and pain disorder, and I've reached my limit. There has to be a way to change this. So, that is our plan.. Weeks and weeks worth of sleep logs, coupled with longer bedtime routines and shorter night feedings. I already don't sleep, so it can't get any worse, right? I'll try to update every week on our progress (or lack thereof).

Boobie attacks.

From what I've gathered, when a woman finds out she's pregnant, she tells her husband, family, and friends, and then she joins a message board. In that order. Most of us are guilty of it, although we may not always admit it. Most conversations that lead to my conclusion go like this:

"Yeah, I had a friend tell me about this book I should read about natural child birth."
"Oh really? Who was it?"
"Just a friend online."
"YOU'RE ON BABYCENTER AREN'T YOU?!"

You can substitute other sites in there, like thebump.com or whattoexpect.com, but most pregnant women will subscribe to a message board of some sort for guidance, medical expertise (because everyone on babycenter is a doctor), or just to argue with other hormonal women about trivial things such as epidurals, formula vs. breastfeeding, or how they are going to diaper their child. No matter what choices you make, there will ALWAYS be someone with an opposing view. If you say, "Breastfeeding reduces the risk of female cancers for baby & mom," you will have 20 women jumping down your throat saying, "well SOME women CAN'T breastfeed, and SOME women have JOBS, and there is NOTHING wrong with how I choose to feed MY baby." Well, yes. You're right. Did I say, "formula is disgusting?" No (although I may have been thinking it). & thus begins a boobie war. Formula feeding mothers will attack the breastfeeding moms & vice versa. This is how almost every topic on babycenter (and I'm assuming those other sites) ends.

It's ridiculous, but I'm addicted to the drama. Even beyond pregnancy, there's always some "controversial" topic to discuss: My 2 month old loves her jumparoo! Is 3 months too early to start solids? Are you giving rice cereal? My doctor says it's the devil. Baby led weaning vs. purees? My baby isn't sleeping through the night! I must be doing something wrong! Is 3 months too early to cry it out?

It's entertaining, at least.

In Madzilla news, she's figured out how to get a reaction out of me or her father. She screams bloody murder one second and is perfectly content the next. She coughs when she goes down for a nap, because she knows we'll come running. No big deal, right? Well she has been TORTURING my boobies lately. She claws & twists at my boob meat and bites & tugs on my nips. Ouch. I've heard from a friend that you are supposed to shriek & say "no." All that's been doing is making her laugh hysterically. My boobies can't take much more. Sigh.... I'm hoping this phase goes away very quickly.

Yeah, I attack mama's boobies. Whatchu gonna do about it, punk?!

Check out my little fashionista!

Hey everyone! Maddie was featured in my friend Beth's blog for fashion Friday. See Maddie's swag for each day of the week here:

http://disconnecthydots.blogspot.com/ (on my mobile, so you'll have to c&p the link)



Beth is an amazing mama I met on instagram (@bethyhead), and has a beautiful little girl named Winona. Please feel free to visit! Her blog is so fun, and Winona is just a doll! =]

Little miss independent..

The past few days, I've been coming to terms with the reality that my baby is growing up. I know, she's not even six months old yet, but each day, she's learning more and more on her own. At one point, she relied on me for EVERYTHING, and now, I feel like I'm just a boob again.

She plays on her own:

She sits on her own:

She sleeps in her own crib:

And I feel...... unnecessary. I know, this is only the beginning, but this is the first time I've truly felt like my baby is growing right before my eyes.

& speaking of the crib, we've been having some minor success, but she still tends to end up in her Rock 'n' Play each night. The first night, she slept in the crib for nine hours straight. It was the first time she had done that in over two months. Of course, I didn't get any sleep. I was up all night, watching each rise and fall of her chest on the baby monitor. When she woke up at 5:30 am, I was beyond happy to pick her up and set her right beside me again. I never thought I would miss her late night feedings as much as I did. The second night, she slept as she normally would. Four hours for the first stretch, then up every two to three hours after that. Again, I didn't mind, because after the first four hours (and an hour of trying to get her back into her crib), she ended up next to me again. The third night, was horrid. It took two hours to get her down, just so she could sleep an hour and a half in the crib. Then we spent roughly two hours trying to get her back down in her crib. We tried everything. We rocked her. I nursed her. We put her down awake. We put her down asleep. The minute she hit that crib mattress, she freaked. Yet again, she went back in the Rock 'n' Play, and she passed out within seconds. Last night (night four), she didn't even whine as I was putting her to bed. Normally, I rub her tummy and run my fingers through her hair until she passes out, but last night, I sat on my bed. She fell asleep within twenty minutes, no complaints. After about three hours, she woke up from bad gas. I nursed her back to sleep, held her in my arms for about an hour, and decided against putting her in the crib, even though I was sure she would at least stay asleep for an hour or two.

Part of me thinks that I'm self-sabotaging the entire thing. I love having my baby within an arm's reach. I love waking up to her smiling face in the morning. I love our late night nursing sessions, where all I can her is her sighs of relief as she takes gulp after gulp. Everyone keeps telling me I need to let go, but I don't want to.

I never imagined I would be this parent. Yeah, the ideas behind attachment parenting are great, but I said, "Not for me. Not for my lifestyle." Once I had her, that all changed. I breastfeed, she sleeps next to me (we don't co-sleep for several reasons right now, but if the crib doesn't work, it's our plan B), I refuse to let her cry-it-out, we wear her, and I feel like our bond between me and my baby, as well as me, my husband, and my baby, is unbreakable. I don't want that to change. I'm not ready for that to change.

Sigh. We're going to give this whole crib thing two weeks total and see where we go from there. If her first stretch of sleep doesn't improve, then there's really no point in this whole crib thing. If I'm going to be waking up 2-3 times a night, I don't want to sit and calm her down enough to go in her crib 2-3 times a night, which could take 2-3 hours a night for each wake up. It's just not going to happen.

For now, I'm going to play with my baby, because she's yelling, "ABOO," at me over and over again, and for the first time in days, she needs me.... only to pick up her toys she keeps throwing on the ground, but I'll take it.

Poo has suddenly become my favorite subject..

Maddie pooped today! Danny called it a "poopsplosion," but it really wasn't THAT bad. The part that was awful was cleaning the dipe, and not because it was totally disgusting, but because I didn't have the necessary tools. I didn't get a mini shower for the toilet, because I figured that dunking the dirty diapers wouldn't be a big problem. Wrong. Somehow, my rubber gloves got thrown away, so I had to rubberband grocery sacks around my hands. It was awful. I'm totally investing in a mini shower now.

Maddie was a much happier baby, post-poo. Danny cooked me a nice dinner, and Maddie sat in her high chair for the first time & played with toys while we ate. It made me really excited to start solids in a few weeks! She's also starting to babble words when she's pissed off.. Yesterday, she said what sounded like, "baybay," and today, I could've sworn she said, "mama," while I was putting her down for a nap (it was really quite pathetic though.. She was whining & crying, and I heard her say, "maaamaaa." I should've been excited, but I partially believe this was all in my imagination.)

Tomorrow is supposed to be mild, so we might go visit her Nana or possibly even make a trip to the mall. There are a few items at babyGap calling Maddie's name. Unfortunately, I'm broke, but I could always get a Gap credit card.... Me + credit cards = bad idea, but she NEEDS some baby skinny jeans. ;)



Overall, today was pretty fantastic, and Maddie was just a super happy beeb, all around. I love days like this.

Baby bums & other things.

We've been cloth diapering since Saturday. On Friday night, I couldn't sleep, because I was anxious about how our first day would go. I have zero friends or family who have cloth diapered, so there was no one to call and ask, "am I doing this right?" I was also scared that I would hate it, and that the hassle would be far worse than the money/landfills saved. I was totally going to screw this up. Everyone who said, "this is a really stupid idea," was going to be right, and I was going go back to disposables like a dog with her tail between her legs (can you tell I'm a huge pessimist?)

So, we started with the flips during the day. They were easy enough... Liner goes in cover, throw dirty liner in pail, wipe cover, repeat. It was so simple. I couldn't figure out why I had been so nervous about it. At night, we use BumGenius pockets with the newborn insert as a doubler. No leaks so far. I'm really loving my decision to switch. We did our first load of diaper laundry today, and we're diapering full time. So basically, we do 2 extra loads of laundry each week. Easy. Plus, how freakin' adorable is this little bum?


"Isn't my booty just the CUTEST?!"

But, we have yet to clean a poo poo diaper. We'll see how I feel about this in the morning when she hopefully (fingers crossed) poops. Which brings me to my next subject: constipation. I'm fairly sure Maddie is constipated (again), so we have to start giving her poop juice (again). Ever since Mads was three months old, she's had tummy issues: reflux, constipation, stomach flu, milk protein allergy, etc. She takes Zantac for the reflux and was taking a 1 ounce bottle of prune juice each day for about two weeks. Ever since about 3.5 months, we've had no issues. I was even able to add dairy back into my diet with no problems. Well, tonight, she woke up SCREAMING, just a few hours after we put her down. After trying tummy massage and leg pumps (which made the screaming far worse..), we gave her some poop juice, watched a Wiggles video (the hot potato song is fucking hilarious & she likes the pretty colors), and then I nursed her back to sleep. I'm hoping that there will be a poop in her diaper tomorrow.

Which brings me to my NEXT subject: since when do I watch the Wiggles and pray for poop? I seriously spent 20 minutes singing along and dancing like a jackass tonight.. But it made her laugh for a second, even though she was feeling miserable. I said to Danny, "a year ago, I couldn't have ever imagined myself doing this.. Ever." It's funny how I've stopped caring about acting "cool" or not embarrassing myself. Even so, Maddie thinks I'm the COOLEST, and that's all I'm concerned about anymore. And as far as praying for poop goes? Well, if you have kids, you understand that there's nothing you want more in life than for your child to happy. When your child is in pain, you'd change a million poopy diapers if it means she'll be happy again.

In other news, I was sure Danny was going to break both our TV & his iPhone today. Somehow, when he was updating/syncing his phone, it came unplugged and erased everything on the phone. We were majorly bummed, because he didn't back up his pictures, and he had some of the only pictures of Maddie's birth (to my knowledge, at least). These were pictures I hadn't seen before, so I was extremely disappointed. About five minutes after it happened, as he was talking about how much he hates the iPhone (blah blah blah.. I hear this about eight times a day, because he has "fat fingers" and if always autocorrects him incorrectly), an iPhone commercial was on the TV. At that moment, I was sure he was going to lose it. It's like the technology gods were rubbing it in his face even more.. But, unbeknownst to him, his iTunes had already backed up his pictures, and after a few hours, we were able to restore everything on the phone. So, I'm going to leave you all with these amazing first moments of Maddie's life (which subsequently have been double backed up):


Top left: My last belly shot. I don't remember this, but I do remember everyone bugging me to do one with my gown up.. Nope.. Looked like a tiger clawed my belly. Wasn't happening. Top right: gettin' her stats on. Bottom left: Looking for a boob to suck. Bottom right: Daddy's first time holding Maddie

Cloth diapers and the plague.

I haven't been able to get very far with the cloth diapering.. I'm hoping that I'll have everything washed and ready to go by tomorrow night. One wash/dry cycle down, three more to go. But, I do have a picture of my new goodies.. It's kind of dark, but I'm starting with a combination of flips, BumGenius pockets, and last night, I spent another $50 on some BG all-in-ones, which I am very excited to try, because I've heard nothing but great things about them. When I first started my adventures in cloth diapering, I wondered how people could possibly get "addicted" to CD'ing.. "They're friggin' diapers," I would think to myself. I digress, because I cannot stop looking at/purchasing new diapers. And this is just the beginning...



Hopefully, my next post will include a picture of Maddie's cute little bummy bum in one of her new dipes.

For now, I'm going to write about a more serious matter: How having a new baby is like having the plague.

I knew my social life would be different after having a baby, but I had no idea that it would be non-existent. Most of my friends want nothing to do with babies, so they've slowly crept out of my life. I guess I can understand, because I never liked children before Maddie, but I never treated my friends with children like they were diseased. That's how I feel most of my old friends are treating me right now. The few friends of mine with children have babies much older than mine. I think sometimes they forget how difficult it is to have an infant, and most of the time, they assume I can pick up everything and take baby wherever, whenever. It's not like that, and it doesn't help that Maddie is considered "high maintenance." So most of my time is spent inside (it's been 100+ degrees outside for several weeks now, and Maddie gets heat rash very easily), with Maddie. Don't get me wrong.. I adore my daughter and I love every minute of being with her, but I am dying for some adult interaction. I do work weekends bartending, but my job is actually kind of miserable, and I don't have much time to socialize. Not to mention that Danny and I have yet to go on any sort of date night. We NEED it, but I feel awful asking anyone to come babysit, which is weird, because both of our families live within fifteen minutes of us. Maybe it'd be easier to ask someone if we actually got to see our families more than once every few weeks. Either way, I'm hoping this passes.. I'm not upset about it, and I wouldn't trade Maddie for anything in this world, but it's kind of a bummer. And Nothing can compare to hangin' out with this lil lady all day..


"I don't care if you don't like babies. I'm still stinkin' cute!"