It's been one hell of a year...

A year ago, I peed on a stick. I didn't need to, but I did anyway. I knew I was pregnant. My boobs were ungodly sore, and I was pretty sure my period was late. When I flipped the test over, it read "pregnant." Honestly, I was surprised that I was even able to carry it down the stairs to show my (at that time) fiancé. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I held it in front of his face, and he didn't even see it. He was engulfed in a video game. "Look!" I said. His response was about the same as my response when I saw it. "Oh fuck... What do we do?" I don't even remember answering that question, or any conversing between the two of us initially after. I ran upstairs, called my mother, and I immediately started bawling. We weren't ready. I was always kind of on the fence about having children. I never liked kids, and the only time I really wanted one was shortly after my niece was born, seven months prior to when I found out I had a Maddiebug growing inside of me. It was a very short-lived baby fever, and Danny and I decided that if we did have children, it would be years down the road. We were busy planning our wedding, and we wanted to enjoy each other during our first couple of years as newlyweds. We were living in a one bedroom loft, our wedding was in September, and we were broke. Adding a child into that mixture seemed unfathomable. But I couldn't deny the fact that I had this little thing growing in my belly.


This little thing is a fetus!

We were in no way prepared, but we knew we'd find a way to take care of her.. So, I got married, while pregnant.. Don't worry.. I don't hear ten thousand shotgun wedding jokes. I had to exchange my dress for a size bigger and had the most tasteful bachelorette party ever (sigh.. I didn't even get to see boobs =[). It was a beautiful wedding, nonetheless. We traded our honeymoon for a three day roadtrip to Kansas City and some baby supplies.


I REALLY shouldn't be wearing white...

In October, I felt the first little kicks. This was the first time I felt a real bond with her. For the first time during my pregnancy, she existed as more than a fetus. She was my baby. She had a personality. She was quite the party animal, and kept me up at all hours of the night (wait, she still does that...). She'd kick her daddy in the face when he'd lay on my belly, and she would "dance" to Iron & Wine every time I would play it.


Holy shit! There's a baby in there!

In February, we welcomed our lovely daughter into this world after 24 hours of painful labor. I was already in love with her, but holding her for the first time was a feeling I'll never forget. My heart grew a million times bigger as she looked into my eyes for the first time. All of my pain vanished. My fears of becoming a parent suddenly became non-existent. There was no way we could screw it up.. We had already made something so perfect.


Fresh out of the oven


A little less slimy

Being a parent is no easy task, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It wasn't something that I chose. It chose me, and I feel so blessed, because I could have gone through life not knowing what it's like to love someone with every fiber of my being. All of the late nights, bodily fluid leakage, and uncontrollable crying is worth every smile, giggle, and coo. I often wonder why I was so scared, because there's nothing scary about my Madeleine. She is my world (and Danny too!) <3
My princess


My diva


My Maddiebug