The gas we pass..

Madzilla is a fart monster. She is the smelliest of all fart monsters I've ever met. For some reason, she thinks it's really funny when she pushes out a big one, and mommy has to cover her nose. This induces an ear to ear smile, accompanied by a squeal or two. Ha. Ha. Living with my husband for five years, I've become pretty tolerant to smelly gas. He can clear a room in about ten seconds, no exaggeration. One day, we got out of the car after he farted, went inside for a half hour, got back in the car, and the scent was still as pungent as it was when it was fresh.

The first eight weeks or so, Maddie had these cute little toots.. Every time she'd let one rip, we'd laugh hysterically. At twelve weeks, we aren't laughing anymore. Have you ever smoked a huge bowl, ended up with a bad case of the munchies, and ended up making eggs and popcorn? Yeah, me neither, but that's the only way I can describe the smell. It's absolutely rancid. So, most people have the freedom to escape the smell, like my dear, dear husband. The breastfeeding mama has no choice but to suck it up and live with the stench.

I watch her. Madzilla's face is starting to scrunch up. Oh no! It's turning red, and her knees are moving up toward her tummy! She lets out a big scream and then, "PFFFFT!" I desperately try to find a blanket, stuffed animal, ANYTHING to cover my nose. It never happens, and the smell slowly creeps into my nostrils. I die.

Nothing could've ever prepared me for baby farts.. They're deceivingly cute, and eventually, those farts become monstrous. That giant, town-crushing lizard ain't got shit on Madzilla when it come to gas. Guaran-fucking-teed.